Bingley Music Festival

Gav came home last week all abuzz: a free music festival was to be held at Bingley!! Well, that's not totally accurate - only the first evening was free, so that's what we went to. Anyway the words 'free', 'music' and 'festival' were enough to overcome the 'Bingley' part of it, and as an added incentive the evening's main draws were reformed Britpop funsters Toploader and Irish rapscallions The Undertones!!

"The Undertones! Are they still alive? OMG I wasn't even born when they first broke up!"

Along with Gavros and Lisa, renowned Leeds-based band photographer Giloscope came along to add some kudos to the event. Giles was good enough to let me make free with his battery of quality fast prime lenses, as well as a naughty Sigma 24-70mm 2.8 - essential kit for low light photography.

"Toplawdah? In Bingleh?"

After a enjoyable tour of the roundabouts of West Yorkshire, we finally found our way to Bingleh (as the locals call it), quietly nestling among green hills dotted with council-estates and burnt out skips. We joined the throngs of eager locals in queueing at the entrance, but things looked like they were taking an early turn for the worse when the gate-lackey opened Giles' camera bag and started hauling out thousands of pounds worth of fragile and valuable camera equipment.

Even Toploader's roadies get cool stage lighting.

Instantly suspicious, he demanded to know Giles' professional status, presumably having an inbred fear of all photographers - no doubt something to do with police line ups and CCTV cameras. Thanks to the G-man's cool nerve and deadly charm, we were allowed in - though not before the bouncer got his meaty paws all over Gav's very expensive 70-200mm 2.8 IS, causing Gav to lose about three pounds in sweat.

"Please sir, I have a question!"

The music kicked off with a welcome and intro by none other than Welsh warbler TOM JONES! Or at least a lookalike impersonator so damn good he would have convinced Cardiffian chanteuse Charlotte Church. If that wasn't enough to overshadow the big name acts, the first band Tom introduced was none other than NEW2!! Possibly the best U2 cover band in the western world, fronted by a faux Bono (Fauxno) who actually utterly believed he was the real deal. To the extent that he referred to "Sunday Bloody Sunday" as "a little tune we wrote in Dublin"... Totally earnest and totally hilarious.

Toploader: "Aright Bradfor- Bingleh! You ready to dance in t' fookin moonlight?"

There was no way I was going to get a killer shot of any of the singers like what Gav and Giles were pulling off, so I concentrated on the crowd, and trying not to get my head smashed in for taking photos of strangers. Most were entranced, Bingley never having been graced by this level of celebrity before...

"Ah thought Kerreh Katoona was t' most femmis person ah'd see in t'me life like"

Most people were hypnotised by the presence of OMGToploader on stage ("In Bingleh! Eeeh!" etc) to notice me jamming a lens in their faces. The real killer was the bitter cold and quagmire of mud. I saw at least two revellers sink without trace in the treacherous muck and a quick assesment of the situation lead to an executive decision by us to abandon Bingley Music Festival to its fate.

Not a moment too soon, as it turned out because the crowd suddenly turned into a snarling ferocious pack - intent on destruction and mayhem. Perhaps the fake Tom Jones had passed out backstage in a stupor, and with his benevolent and calming presence no longer felt an animal berserker urge took over.

The Undertones. We gave up three songs into their set because the mud was threatening to engulf us and the crowd were turning violent.

Leading a charge for the stage.

We may never know, but with the front runners snapping at our heels we made a run for the car, and freedom.

An evening of golf


I spent yesterday evening wandering around a golf course with Gav, while he practised his golf shots I practised my shots of golfers. Gav is a highly talented golfer, who not only has a set of his own clubs, but also has a handicap.

Gav trying to smack a wasp out of the sky with a 9 iron

I made a major faux pas early on in the evening when Gav sank a 50 foot putt. Astonished, I gave him a round of applause only to have him tell me to shut the hell up in case I disturbed other golfers. You'd think the other golfers would have appreciated a bit of clapping, to get them prepared for tournaments and stuff. Maybe that's Tiger Woods' secret - he can zone out extraneous noise, and be One with the ball.

Anyway, I reckon Gav'd be pretty good at mini golf, so I have swiftly devised a handicap system for putt putt. Basically, your handicap is the item you have to carry around with you for the whole game. So Gav's handicap would be dishwasher, whereas Alex's for example would be a meringue.

Capture the flag, a new way of playing golf

Gav don't need no caddy. Well, I was too busy taking photos to be any good as a caddy.


Having a rough time.

Trees and golfer. A fine art shot.

Taking another 50 yard putt in his stride

Another flag - I seemed to develop a bit of a flag obsession.

You know how when volcanoes erupt skeins of lightning fire across the clouds? Well in a similar way, every time Gav drives a golf ball, the sky turns apocalyptic.

Sorry, I couldn't think of a reasonable club-based pun to put in here. Feel free to make any suggestions.

Gav had to chuck a ball into this bunker so I could get a picture of sunlight hitting the sand. Normally he gets the ball straight onto the green, usually within 3-4 cm of the hole. Though on occasion he'll land it several yards away to practice his putting.

Guns don't kill people, golfers do!

Another super putt. As I recall, Gav had his eyes shut on this one - and he still sunk it.

See? Another flag...

A par 5 hole, Gav probably nailed it in about two shots.

After about 70 attempts I managed to take a photo of the ball as Gav hit it. This has resulted in a picture showing the ball apparently stationary in the grass, yet simultaneously moving through the air (the white streak on the right hand side of the frame). That's how fast Gav hits the balls. His main problem on the golf course is shattering balls through smacking them so hard.

Practicing with a wedge. See the ball? It's just above the flag. Well done that man.

I had a load of silhouetted pictures, but have whittled it down so you only have these two to endure.

See, that wasn't so bad was it?

More bunker practice.

End of the day. Gav's final score was probably something like 30.

A load of balls. OK, just one. Focus was slightly off here.

Leeds

I've taken a few snaps since getting back from South Africa, so I present them to you here - a veritable smörgåsbord of shots showing the diversity of Leeds in the 21st century. Plus most of them don't make the grade for the Flickr page, so I'm putting them here. If you don't like it, take it up with the management.

The first picture, at the top, is of a titanium occult pyramid in Millenium Square, which has been intriguing conspiracy theorists for as long as 18 months! Perhaps this is Leeds' answer to Adam's Calendar?

Italian style in the grim north. Vespa means 'wasp' in Italian and Latin, linguists!

Urban smokers need instructions.

I think this sign was warning passers by of the general probability of death in Briggate being comparatively high.

Temple Newsam

Gav (below) and I tooled over to Temple Newsam one evening, and took a load of photos of vegetation and stuff. You can see his shots here if you like.

Backlit flower, 'cos I know Alex likes them so much...

Here's a hoverfly, the gardener's friend.

OK, so here are a few photos of plants and things. Garden photography isn't really my forté, I've sort of turned to war photography after the trip to South Africa.

Purple stuff.

A lamppost. I was waiting for the bus one evening and took a few shots. This is a composite of two photos: one had the top of the lamp, plus an unsightly building in the background - the other had the foreground and walls as you see them here. Neither photo was too great on its own, so I combined the best elements of each to produce a photo which still isn't all that.

Maria, who until last week was my colleague - she tolerated me taking a few snaps, as I shouted at her to smile.

Leeds Pride Parade

Finally, last weekend a massive Pride parade trooped through Leeds, hooting, hollering and waving gigantic multicoloured flags to the pulsing beat of Soft Cell trance remixes.

I guess this is the same as wearing your heart on your sleeve...?